The Loneliness of Good Fortune
by Devil Lace
Summary: A cat-demon has offered Makoto and Haru a chance at experiencing their future without each other without the consequence of permanence. Haru isn't interested but oddly enough Makoto jumps at the chance. Now, Makoto and Haru try to manage a future without each other and realize it may not be the future they want. Only thing is, it may be too late, and there may be no coming back.
1. Chapter 1

Moments could tear in two; haven't you heard? Haru hadn't. He'd never experienced the way moments could eclipse. Clipped and skewed, paralyzed like a glitching film clip in one discomforting moment that lived on like a lifetime in Haru's memory. Haru wished he could forget what Makoto had said.

_'Makoto-chan, Haruka-chan...graduation is steadily approaching. Any ideas for your future?" Makoto and Haru refused to look each other, instead, their brows knitted together as they thought on their unspoken futures with guilt evident on their faces. _

_The demon smiled, its ears bobbing back and forth. Haru couldn't get over how bizarre it was that the cat Makoto had known since it was a kitten had turned out to be a demon. A wish-granting demon that had came to them on their way to Haru's house one day. All because of their visit to the shrine and their apparently, not so coincidental choosing of the 'Good Fortunes' card. _

_'That's okay, but time is running out. I just thought I'd let you know..." Makoto and Haru looked up, their attention caught. 'Think hard. Because I can give you a first look at what your futures could be.' _

_'Wha? How?' Makoto stepped from behind Haru, the terrified expression morphing into one of a confused look. _

_The cat-oni giggled. Haru had never felt such a dizzying effect of stupor and hilarity in his entire life. _

Underneath the cover of the blanket Haru fingered the thin, red thread between his fingers. He breathed in deeply, took in the solid quiet of the room while Makoto washed up in the restroom, Haru couldn't help but think of that moment. That one blink of time that changed what reality was for Haruka Nanase. Reality was a smiling demon, purring promises of what ordinary humans never had the fortune of receiving; the future without its consequences.

He squeezed the thread between his fingers and closed his eyes. Haruka had learned so much about Makoto in that moment.

_'You've always been so kind, Makoto. Always stopping to play with me on your way to Haruka's home. Since I was just a kitten I watched you two. You're very close. And graduation...well, aren't you nervous?'_

_Haru looked away stubbornly, unwilling to speak on the matter while Makoto chimed in as always with a soft smile—the radiance of that quiet early morning present in the everlasting beam of his smile. 'Haru's been scouted. He's very talented.' Makoto beamed, a soft pink flush on his cheeks. He had always been so proud to call Haru his best friend. _

_'Ah! And you, Makoto. You're thinking of going to a local university. Maybe even Tokyo university if your grades permit, right?'_

_Haru's head snapped to look at Makoto with furrowed brows. His first time hearing anything of Makoto's plans. _

_He had thought Makoto had been undecided, just as Haru was. But he guessed he had been too stubborn to see it._

_'Y-yes,' Makoto said, scratching his cheek with a nervous grin in Haru's direction. _

_'I'd like to help you. I know its hard for you two to imagine the possibility of separation. I can allow you the chance of choosing your own paths—the ones you truly want, but are afraid of. Lives without one another.' Their fears were finally put into words and Haru flinched, looked down at his feet. Makoto's brows were furrowed as he chewed on his bottom lip. 'It will be tough. But you can always go back to each other. With this.' The cat-oni held out two long pieces of red thread for each of them to take. _

_Haru looked at the thread in his hand, but didn't expect to have any use for it. Haru wasn't going to accept the offers of the scouts anyway. He had just been about to open his mouth to assure the cat that Makoto and he would not be separating. But Makoto surprised him. _

_'I would like to try,' he said, stepping forward while Haru stayed back, staring at Makoto with wide-eyed confusion. 'If it means a chance to figure out what I really want. Without relying on Haru,' he said and looked down. Haru's brows furrowed; he couldn't blink back the shock and instead stared. _

Haru clutched the pillow to his chest, stared up at the ceiling from his spot on Makoto's carpet. He couldn't get Makoto's words out of his head. They had hit Haru with a shocking surge of pain, like catching a mouthful of water, his throat dried from the chemical burn of chlorine, his lungs searing as he desperately coughed for air.

He didn't hear the bathroom door close; didn't hear the sound of Makoto's shuffling socks on the carpet. Haru only noticed, with a bit of a jump—when he felt the shifting pressure when Makoto laid beside him on the ground. Makoto rested his head against a small throw pillow and turned on his side, smiled as he balanced his weight on his arm.

Haru stared up at him, asking with his wide-eyes the question he was too afraid to ask. Makoto looked away for a moment, and Haru had to ask.

"Why? Why do you want to go some place without me?"

Makoto understood. His eyes softened, fingers splaying on the empty space between them. But still he smiled, and Haru remembered the cat demon's words.

_'Follow to the end of the threat,' the cat said, 'It's a map, a map that will lead you. It will be your guide to finding happiness.' _

He felt like Makoto's smile was that map Haru followed in his life. He blinked away the start of tears that formed in the corners of his eyes.

"Haru..." He loved the way his name sounded rolling off Makoto's tongue, but not in this instant, when Makoto looked at him like _that_; as if he couldn't be more guilty. Like there was something to be guilty about. "I'm sorry," Makoto said. Sometimes it was worse when someone said sorry when they had done nothing wrong. Haru wanted to turn away, but Makoto's eyes were a trap. He stared up at him with an unblinking stillness. How was it that Makoto was able to read Haru so easily but Haru sometimes struggled to understand his own feelings when it came to Makoto.

He just didn't _get _it. He didn't get why Makoto wanted to lead separate futures. Someplace without Makoto simply didn't exist in the honest, simplistic valleys of Haruka's mind. His mind was as streamlined as the lane in a swimming pool.

"Oh." Sorry hurt like a good bye.

"I want to find out if I'll be okay without you. I haven't had the chance. Everything has always been you, Haruka Nanase." Haru stared at his mouth; then his eyes traveled to the calming springs of Makoto's eyes.

"Don't call me Haruka," he muttered, shifting uncomfortably, hugging the pillow tighter against his body.

"I don't want it to be anymore." Makoto continued, eyes falling to the floor between them. Haru could feel his heart whipping wildly in his chest. "Graduation will only be harder. And..." Makoto eyes looked up with a sort of determination in them that Haru recognized. "I don't want to hold you back any longer. You are the best in the water, Haru. Don't let that go."

Haruka didn't know what to say, and so he didn't say anything. He simply stared at Makoto this way; even after Haru could only hear the soft breaths after Makoto fell asleep. Even when Haru lay awake and stilled his breath as to not awake his friend. And when the clock ticked away he stood up and walked over to the book he had pressed his Good Fortune into, held it in his palm, and re-read it.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: The lines in italics are direct quotes from High Speed 2. Thank.

The Loneliness of Good Fortunes  
Chapter Two: Horizons

* * *

Haru stopped walking, and Makoto noticed immediately. He continued walking until the obvious net of Haru's discomfort pulled him back. He stopped and turned, head cocked to the side. Haruka refused to look up at him, and Makoto immediately knew something was wrong by the way he held himself. It was the small things: the intensity in his shoulders, the way his knuckles turned white as they clenched in fists. No one else would notice the details, but as Makoto had told Haru last night, he was the entirety of Makoto's single-tracked life. In Makoto's own way, noticing the little things and acting on them was how he paid Haru back for being that one hand there to hold in the monochrome years following that painful incident.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice a gentle coax and Haruka looked up with a pink tinge. The steps between them seemed to stretch and both boys were too afraid to reach forward, to close the gap between them. That pain was a distance that Haru never wanted. This fear he felt at this particular moment stemmed from dreams that left him gasping awake in a cold sweat. Dreams in which he burst free from the water's surface, expected Makoto's extended hand, and found the solitude he only pretended that he wanted. It was too much of an effort to care, Haru tried to tell himself. And people get hurt when too much passion is involved.

"I thought about what you said." Haru spoke quickly, curtly, and Makoto gave Haru his undivided attention. Not like Makoto ever strayed, after all. The words seemed to bubble in Haru's chest before they finally burst free in a strange sort of way. "I'm sorry!" He began, his eyes wide, red creeping onto his cheeks and the point of his nose. "I apologize if I never gave you the chance to be on your own, Makoto." His eyes shifted downwards.

Makoto's brows furrowed. He had never meant to make Haru feel guilty over Makoto's strange yearnings of independence. It was only that his life so far had been lived on carefully placed stepping stones; throughout it all, Haru had kept Makoto centered. Comfort had always been Makoto's crutch to bear. And now he wanted to jump. Feel the splash of dirty, muddy waters and know what it was that Haru constantly chased. That dream of freedom that Makoto didn't yet realize was just a silly notion of a dream. Makoto, who had always been centered, chased and reached a grasping hand out for the things he had tricked himself into thinking mattered.

"It's not that, Haru." Makoto pressed a hand to his forehead with a heavy sigh. He supposed his words had had a different effect on Haru than he intended. There was never a moment Makoto spent with Haruka that was regrettable. But the stress of a plan, of a future, had left a disconcerting edge to Makoto's tone that Haru had picked up on in a snap. It was both the pain and pleasure of knowing each other so well.

"I don't want to hold you back anymore."

_ But you don't. I've always been the one whose held you back, _Makoto thought to himself and went to say as much. He went to say the words that had been on the tip of his tongue for his entire life. Since that moment long ago in middle school: standing at the edge of rocks with violent waves crashing at his slippery shoes. The sea waved at him. Beckoned him. And Haru had been there to grasp at him through darkness. The moments had linked together like connecting red thread and suddenly Makoto was holding Haru's hand as they walked alongside the beach with the horizon behind them.

Haru was thinking of the same thing. "Remember when I found you on the beach, and you said..." Haru stopped, looking off to the side as his voice began to break. He quietly reclaimed his composure to himself. "You wanted to go some place without me. You still feel the same way then?" Haruka's brows furrowed as he stared at the ground at nothing in particular. Anything, anything but Makoto.

"Yeah, I remember." How could Makoto have ever forgotten? He couldn't come up with a reasonable answer to Haru's second question. After all, letting the truth hang awkwardly between them was one of their pastimes.

"Do you remember what I said to you?" Haruka said as he looked up with a seriousness in the way his brows drew forward. "I still feel the same way too."

Makoto blinked, his eyes lit like they were created solely for the absolute purpose of reflecting light. Like skies lit with fireworks, his cheeks pinched with a pink blush to match the glint in his eyes. He knew exactly what Haru had said back then.

_'...Would you be okay without me, Haru?' _

_Haru couldn't hide it any longer. '...I wouldn't come looking for you if that were the case." _

"Haru, listen...?" Makoto said as he stepped forward, his hand reaching forward to grab Haru's wrist. He pulled the other boy closer who looked at him with that intensity in his expressive eyes that had made Makoto fall so hard for him in the first place. And Makoto squeezed his wrist and opened his mouth to draw in a deep, braving breath.

But the words never came. Before he had a chance to speak there was an explosion of color. Bright-pigmented clouds came to life around their feet, a puddle that flowed like liquid at their ankles. Their hair, their clothes rustled to life with the vibrant spritz of a breeze.

The cat-demon formed with a giggle that echoed down the pathway of stairs where they stood. Even as the sound echoed like it came from the sky itself, the sweet old lady who lived just down the stairwell continued to water her plants like she couldn't see or hear the commotion that stood before Makoto and Haru with winking eyes and a happy smile.

"You guys are here," he said and held out his hand. "Do you have them?"

Haru was hesitant, but with a irritated look he fished into his pocket and pulled out the 'Good Fortunes' card he received. Makoto held out his with a solemn look that rarely graced face. The two refused to look at each other. Makoto felt a settling guilt for wanting to experience a future without Haru; especially after what Haru had just admitted in the little amount of words he actually said. Haru would never admit certain things, and Makoto had a harder time reading those thoughts in Haru's unlimited neutral expressions.

But there were some things, like it or not, that Makoto had to do for himself. He held the Good Fortunes slip in his palm, read it with such an interest that he barely began to notice the soft trembling of the earth beneath them.

"Are you two positive about this?" He asked, taking Makoto's card first, Haruka's second.

Haru was never positive, he realized with a sickening feeling in his gut that morphed to a cold chill that ran through his body. But he looked out of the corner of his eye at Makoto. Makoto nodded with such certainty.

"I'm ready," Makoto said as he turned to look at Haru. Haru refused to look at him. His head was turned as he stared with indignation at the trembling ground.

The cat-oni turned a pointed look at Haru. "Haru?"

"Whatever."

"Good enough for me. Alright then. What do you wish for your future? Haru, you first."

Haru himself didn't know for sure. But he supposed that was the point of this gift from the shrine. A chance to experience the idea of a future that terrified them because they knew it'd have to be without the other. In the deepest recesses of his heart, Haru had been changed by Rei's speech. And so with a quiet, but sturdy voice he said, "Scouted. Competitive swimming school." He looked away and Makoto looked at Haru with his brows knitted, a strange half-frown, half-smile on his face.

"Quick question: the one that Rin's going to?"

Haru's eyes shifted for a moment before he nodded. "Okay."

"Okay. What about you, Makoto?"

Makoto swallowed; he hadn't realized a future without Haru meant Haru and Rin would be able to share the same one. That didn't seem fair. But he put a smile on and said, "Tokyo University."

Haru looked over, shocked. "I thought you wanted to go to a local school?" Makoto scratched his cheek.

"W-well, if we get any future..."

"It's not any future. It's the ones your hearts want most, but are too afraid of. And you two have spoken truthfully. Okay. Hold out your cards. And you have your threads with you?" Both nodded and did as told.

The cat-demon, with its calico-wink, touched the other side of their fortunes and in an instance it seemed like light burst from the solid earth. They covered their eyes with their arms, tried to keep their legs steady on the shaking ground. Among the sound and commotion, they heard the cat-demon gleefully say, "Just remember the red threads can lead you back." He handed them back their fortunes, and everything changed. Once it all dissipated and they opened their eyes, they were no longer in the same place.

Makoto opened his eyes in Tokyo.

–

Haru opened his eyes underwater; to his surprise, it didn't make the transition any easier. The water was darker than he ever remembered, as if the sky outside was darkened itself. Haru looked around at the unfamiliarity of his surroundings and for the first time in a long time, he panicked.

He burst free from the water with a gasp, confused and questioning why the water had not seemed to want to let go. He heard his name called and he looked over to see Rin there with a confused look on his face. Haru let out a heavy breath, comforted to see that familiar face and swam over, even though he wasn't aware he was in the middle of practices for a race.

"What happened?" He asked. Rin didn't stick out his hand to help Haru out, and Haru wasn't sure he would have wanted him to, but he did realize how lonely it felt to not have that familiar hand. Haru climbed out with a heavy feeling that only seemed to want to pull him back down underneath the water's cold surface.

"Nothing," he said as he pulled his swim cap and goggles off. He shook his hair, then took these few moments to look at his surroundings. This gym was nothing like Iwatobi's small pool or even Samezuka's. It was massive with multiple pools; the roof was stretched for miles above them. Haru's eyes were practically gleaming at the sight of so many grand pools around them. Haru didn't feel that same sense of happiness as usual though. It felt empty.

In an instant he remembered the red thread and looked down at his clothing—swim trunks—and panicked again. He looked around the room and saw a stack of duffel bags and ran over. His feet smacked wetly against the floor and he could hear Rin shouting a question at him as he ran. He fell to his knees rather roughly and unzipped his bag furiously. There it was, tied in tiny little bow around his Good Luck Fortune card. He pressed his hand to his chest and breathed in relief.

"What's today?" He asked as he turned around.

"Tuesday," Rin said with a confused look. Haru looked at him with an even more confused look. "I don't know. June 5th?"

"Fifth..." Haru repeated to himself. It was the same day. "2014?"

"No, Haru, did you hit your head in there or something?" Rin asked, shaking his head with his mouth dropped open in confusion. He pressed a hand to his forehead. "These past couple years out of high school and you're still as weird as ever." He walked away towards the pool, leaving Haruka kneeling before his gym bag with a rapid stutter in his heart. Two years.

It worked.

Instantly he felt panic. He dug through his bag for his phone but after tossing shirts and gym shorts aside he realized he must not have had it on him. He sighed to himself but tried to keep calm. He threw all the discarded clothing back into the bag then slung it around his shoulder. He didn't bother calling to Rin as he headed into the locker room with a quickened pace to find his phone.

A search inside his locker—not that he recognized anything inside—led him to believe he had left his phone at home. Standing in the empty row of lockers he came to a sudden that he had no idea where his home was anymore. Where were they even? International level? He could have wished for a a life in Australia for all he knew. He knew he would have to rely on Rin if he wanted to understand this future life he had chosen for himself. And a part of him wondered if it would have been easier to simply let the future run its natural course.

With his head down he made his way back to the pools.

"Awesome swimming out there, Nanase!" One guy clapped him on his shoulder and gave him a two-finger wave. Haru blinked and turned his head away in response. If a couple years had passed, he was no 20. Only one more year until he could be ordinary.

"Way to go Haru!" Another guy clapped him on the back and Haru pulled his shoulder away with a heavy sigh. As soon as he found Rin he tugged on his elbow to get his attention.

"Can we go back home?" He asked. Rin ran a hand through his hair in irritation.

"We're still in the middle of practice," Rin said, but Haru was stubborn and didn't seem to care. "I'll meet you later." Haru watched him turn away and Haru sighed impatiently. But Rin didn't turn back around.

Haru was smart. He'd figure it out on his own. But as he walked away and into the unfamiliar setting outside he understood that he felt a loneliness that he hadn't felt since middle school. Makoto had always been there. And now, all his mind could think to was his phone and how he hoped he could contact Makoto soon. Where had he ended up in all of this?

–

Makoto felt a sense of awe he had never felt before when he stepped outside on the balcony of his loft. The sky was the color of fresh peaches and sakura blossoms. The clouds gathered together In a way that was ever changing. Clouds that morphed as the earth spun on its axis and the wind breathed its soft breath onto them. Makoto remembered learning about it when he was much younger. He smiled to himself. He was beginning to think a bit like Rei, but what all that had taught him was a philosophy on life. The sky-even the sea-were always changing. Even if they didn't notice right away. At least, that was what Makoto thought. It was what had kept him moving forward these past few years. To train harder, swim faster.

The very idea of swimming gave Makoto an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Sickening, even. At the risk of becoming independent of Haru-at the risk of living a life he thought would be best suited for himself-had had given up swimming. Hand-in-hand were swimming and Haru.

But Makoto kept his face held high and looked up into the shifting colors of the sky. Staring into its vast openness-no limit, and that exhilarated Makoto-made him feel at ease. A peace washed over him. It was like the first moment, long ago, when he looked at the clouds in the blue clearness of the sky and realized he wasn't going to drown. Realized he was floating. This moment kind of felt like floating. And Makoto kept his chin raised, eyes set, didn't dare looking down to the earth or to the horizon off in the corner where the sky and sea melted so neatly together in a line that cut the world in two.

It would hurt too much.

Haru had never gotten lost before. Iwatobi was a familiar set of stairway alleys and ocean-lining paths. It was as simple as the lines in his palm. Easily read, easily predicted. The simplicity was near non-existent in this town.

Careful speculation had led Haru to believe this was not Iwatobi nor Tokyo nor Australia, but a different city entirely. Which city was still up in arms. But Haru hadn't managed to find one person who would stop and answer his muttered question of where was he? How did he get back to swimming arena? Had he made a wrong turn? It should have been right there.

Haru sat down at a bench in a square-shaped park. To his surprise and delight he found a small bento box of mackerel and leaks in his duffel bag. With his knees drawn together he took small bites of cold mackerel and kept his eyes down at his food while he listened to men argue on cellphones and the sound of running shoes stepping lightly on the sidewalk before him.

And Haru sighed. And the space between he and the edge of the bench could have used someone familiar right about now.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's Note: Can't leave a story hanging. So going to try and finish this. Merry Christmas!_

The Loneliness of Good Fortunes  
Chapter Three

* * *

"Are you still mad that I didn't leave training when you asked me to?" Rin asked as he rolled his eyes and made himself comfortable on his bed. Bottom bunk, underneath Haru's. He lined his wall with pillows and folded his arms behind his head as he sat across the cleanly folded sheets. "Good grief," he said under his breath, watching Haru shuffle back and forth across the room, throwing pillows and blankets and track pants. "Hey!" That's my stuff!" Rin sat up urgently.

Haru answered with throwing his own used jammers over his shoulder. They landed straight on Rin's head.

"Idiot," he hissed as he tore the suit off and held it in his fist. "What are you doing?"

"Did you take my phone?" Haru asked, his mouth in a tight line. Haru knew Rin to be immature, yes, but to be so cruel as to steal his phone?

Rin blinked and rubbed the back of his neck. "Why would I take your phone?" Haru stared at his face, trying to read him. He had never been good at reading Rin anyway.

"Give it to me. I need to make an important phone call," Haru said, more demanding this time. He prodded Rin's chest with his finger and closed his eyes in annoyance. He could just imagine Rin breaking out into his sharp-toothed grin. "I'm not messing around. Give it to me." Haru's hand snapped forward and gripped Rin's shirt.

"Let go of me," Rin said as he smacked Haru's fist away. "I don't have your stupid phone. You don't carry it on you anyway, so what fun would it be to steal it?"

Haru gave him a long, hardened stare, before finally he walked away without a word and continued to look through the mountain of clothes in the corner.

"Stop that!" Rin rushed over to Haru and grabbed his arm, pulling it with enough force that both boys tripped over a misplaced shoe. Haru looked back at Rin, anger building behind his usual monotonous eyes. Rin laughed behind his hand and shook his head. "You've been acting all weird. Did Yuusuke convince you to smoke some weed or something?"

"I just want my phone," Haru muttered, his cheeks bearing a red blush.

"Why?" Rin asked as he got up and extended a hand for Haru to take.

"I need to talk to Makoto." Haru inored his hand. He stood up, ignoring Rin's scowl, more focused on the lines of books and papers covering the computer desk. Maybe his phone was somewhere in there. He rushed towards it, lifting up scattered lined paper.

"Really? It's about time. You guys have been giving each other the silent treatment long enough."

Haru froze for a moment. Then turned his head to look over his shoulder, bangs falling across his vast forehead. "We've never fought."

"Yeah, you have. A pretty bad one too. I mean...you guys haven't talked in years."

Haru clenched his hands into fists. "Tell me what happened." His eyes averted as that blush crept along his cheeks. "Please."

Rin blinked again. "You honestly don't remember?"

Haru looked at him strangely. He turned back around and walked towards his bed and sat down, resting his elbows on his knees. "I think it was during the fireworks festival? Right?" Haru just gave him a blank expression. He sighed and went on. "Makoto told you he was going to Tokyo and you lost it. Stopped talking to him. It was really pathetic to be honest."

"What?"

Rin had to have been lying. Or maybe, Haru bit his lip and felt a panicked flush sweep over his face, accepting the cat-demon's wish had altered the future as everyone else knew it too. A fight though? Makoto and Haru had never fought, and Haru assumed they wouldn't. Makoto was too sweet and Haru was too quiet. His stomach hurt as he swallowed the thickness in his throat. Where was his phone? He _needed _to talk to Makoto. Did he remember a fight?

"Yeah, everyone tried to get you two to talk. He even tried to talk to you during nationals, but it was like you weren't there. Then after school, he went to Tokyo and that was that." He raised a brow. "What changed? Why do you suddenly want to talk to him?"

"I just want to tell him that I'm sorry," Haru said as he ran his clammy hand over his forehead. His eyes bolted back and forth across the room. Where was his phone? Would Makoto accept his apology? He was sorry he agreed to the wish. All Haru wanted was to go back to things the way they were.

"Finally. It's been long enough. Hey by the way, are you all packed for tomorrow?" Rin asked, and Haru barely heard over the anxiety loud between his ears.

He looked up briefly. "What's tomorrow?"

"Oi!" Rin slapped his forehead. "Idiot. What's the matter with you? We're going to Iwatobi to see Sousuke."

Haru turned around quickly and snatched Rin's wrist.

"We're going to Iwatobi?"

"Yes?" Rin took his wrist back. "You knew that. Don't tell me you're not going." Again, Haru looked contemplative before he nodded.

"I'm going." His eyes flickered over the side, his eyebrows drawn together, and suddenly Haru jumped onto Rin's bed and reached under his pillow. "You told me you didn't have it!" He yelled as he held up his phone to Rin's face.

"I didn't!"

Haru gave him a long, cold stare before he rushed out of the room to make his call.

His heart beat in his chest, rang in his ears. Blood rushed to his face. Finally. He just hoped Makoto felt the same as he did. He hoped there was a way they could reverse the loneliness of this future. He tried turning it on. Nothing. Again, a few more clicks to turn it on. But the screen returned nothing but its blank, black smile. Haru's phone was dead.

–

"My pillow smells like you," Makoto said as he held his pillow to his nose and inhaled softly. Strawberries, vanilla. He placed it back behind his head and looked up the bottom of Kisumi's bunk above him. "It used to smell like Haru."

"Sorry?" Kisumi said. A few seconds later and he was peeking over the side of his bed with a feigned pout. "Maybe its time to forget about him. You guys haven't talked in what...seven, eight years?"

Makoto nodded, bit his lip. He remembered the first time Kisumi mentioned it. Makoto at least had enough sense to play along. He'd tried calling Haru, but of course, his phone was perpetually turned off.

"Don't look so upset," Kisumi said as he rolled over and climbed down from his bunk. He motioned for Makoto to scoot over and Makoto did, just as he always did. And just as he always did, he cupped Makoto's face with his palm and kissed him, deeply. Makoto was always hesitant, but it wasn't Makoto's timid nature as Kisumi believed.

Makoto pulled away first, as he always did. The familiar, overpowering scent of strawberry and vanilla shampoo. His whole world brightened in shimmering gilt; Kisumi's gold eyes. And Kisumi would talk, about anything and everything. Makoto didn't always mind, but sometimes, he missed the quiet he had grown accustomed to for years.

Sometimes, when Kisumi was busy at class, Makoto would dig through his drawer for the Good Fortunes card and hold it in his palm. It felt cool; like the cool, calm serenity at the bottom of a pool at night. Makoto wished to just float again with Haru at his side.

–

"You've never been on a plane before?" Rin asked, leaning over Haru so that he could catch a glimpse out the window as they flew back home, to Iwatobi, Japan. Haru leaned away, turned around and pressed his forehead against the small frame of glass. All Haru saw were clouds. Is that the sight Makoto saw as a child when he first tried backstroke? He finally felt himself relax.

"No," he said, plainly.

"What's wrong? You've been bummed out ever since practice," Rin reached over and touched Haru's shoulder. Haru was caught up in the feeling of lead weights on his feet and the unfamiliar sensation of opening his mouth to breathe and choking. Is that was competitive swimming was? Was the path to success a constant desire to swim while the water fought every step of the way? That wasn't free.

"I'm not sure I'm cut out for this," Haru said, eyes still watching the passing clouds below them.

"But you're the fastest swimmer we have on the team. How can you not be cut out for this?"

"I don't feel free."

Rin rolled his eyes and took his hand off Haru's shoulder. "You'll grow out of that eventually," he said, and his eyes glanced to the card Haru held tightly in his right hand.

Haru frowned and clutched the Good Fortunes card to his chest. "Wake me when we land," he said, his eyes closing as he tried not to think about that dull, choking feeling at his throat. Sometimes, Haru wasn't sure that feeling would ever really disappear.

–

Haru opened his eyes underwater, with a red, floating thread in his hands guiding him. He carved an opening and went forward, his feet moving along harsh, concrete. When Haru looked up, he swore he could see the shimmering orb of the moon or the sun dancing high above his head. The water's surface seemed so far from here. But he felt he could breathe down here.

He walked, blinked, and all of a sudden he stepped into another world. Iwatobi, Japan. Haru now looked up from the bottom of a cascade of steps. At the end: his house. The thread began to thrum to life, vibrate in his palms; an intensity in Haru's beating, beating heart.

He picked up the pace. Shadows passed him like marching men. The sounds of gusting wind and harsh waves. Haru walked faster. The water he heard began to settle into the soft rush of river water; the sound of splashing. His name being called. Worried, scared.

Haru ran now. A cold sweat collected at his brows.

He rushed through his front door to find that the thread now lay broken on the floor. He stopped, bent forward to pick it up and swallowed. No. Why was it broken? What had it been leading him to?

He looked around his empty house. Abandoned, just as he had left it. Until he walked into his bedroom and saw a taller, familiar figure standing there, hunched over in front of a small goldfish bowl.

"Makoto."

Makoto turned, surprised, then smiling. "Haru," he said and Haru thought that it must have been this place, wherever they were, that made his name sound like magic rolling of Makoto's tongue. "You found me, eh?" Makoto held out his palm where the other end of the red thread lay.

"I didn't know what I was looking for," Haru said as he blinked. He suddenly remembered the cat demon's words: "Follow the thread. It will lead you home."

"I don't like the future," Haru blurted out. "I want to go back?"

"Really?" Makoto asked, his upturned brows raised. "I would have thought it'd be everything you wanted." He smiled, tilted his head just slightly like a cat.

Haru frowned and shook his head quickly. "No. It's nothing I want."

"I'm sorry," Makoto said. He frowned and looked away at the goldfish, entrapped in the small, glass bowl. How odd that it seemed to mirror the outside world as if it was so easy to step through both sides. As if there weren't the glass between them.

Haru swallowed. "You don't like Tokyo?" He asked, hopeful, but he saw the way Makoto watched the goldfish. It was if he wanted to save it from its prison. Haru felt his stomach fall. Is that how Makoto felt around him? Trapped?

Makoto didn't answer for a moment and Haru looked away, flushed with embarrassment.

"Oh."

It seemed, for Makoto, that his choice to follow his Good Fortunes was the right one.

"I guess I will make the best of Australia," Haru said. He watched the way Makoto looked away and bit his lip, and for a second that seemed to spread out thin, Haru saw that one passing moment of inconsistency with Makoto's warm, confident eyes. "Maybe you don't want me to. Maybe you don't like this future either."

Makoto looked back over with a surprised blush dusted on his face and the way his brows raised high. He clutched at the collar of his flannel and smiled. "N-No. I just want you to be happy, Haru."

Haru's brows drew together. What would make him happy? What would make him happy? Had Haru ever really asked himself that question? All his life he had someone else to ask for him. To just know. But with the question at the forefront of his mind, it could only draw him forward like the pull of a compass.

What would make him happy?

Haru closed in on Makoto and cupped his hands with his face. Haru didn't feel the need to stop or slow down, despite the hesitation he saw in Makoto's eyes. He stood on his toes and kissed him, mouth open and wet against Makoto's full bottom lip.

Makoto pushed him away gently, arms locked as he held his hands against his shoulders. "Haru..." He was silenced by Haru's persistent press of his lips. Smaller but strong, Haru pushed Makoto back against the white walls, next to his dresser that held the small fishbowl that left dancing shadows against the matted floor.

Haru relaxed when Makoto kissed him back, sighed softly into Makoto's mouth. He liked the safeness he felt in the warmth of Makoto's cupped palm against his cheek and the way Makoto's other arm wrapped around his middle. He whined against his mouth, oh, he had dreamed of this moment so many times before. The hot, sticky mornings waking up in a tangle of sweat-crumpled sheets and tented pants.

His fingers curled into Makoto's plaid button-up. His nose bumped against the thick-framed glasses he wore. Haru pulled away—a string of saliva breaking apart from their lips—to remove the frames, but was stopped when Makoto grabbed his wrist. His lips were glossy; the jade of his eyes darkened behind the frames. "Haru..." Makoto began, but cast his eyes downwards, his eyes grazing across the plush of Haru's mouth. He pressed his hand to the small of Haru's back and pulled him close, mouth closing in again with the soft tangle of tongue. Haru pressed himself against that familiar body, moaned into his mouth, said his name against his bruised lips.

They kissed and felt each other in a way that was pure discovery. Learning the feel of the muscles, the taste of each other's mouth. After knowing each other for so many years, it was thrilling to learn more. Haru was willing to push this further, to gather as much knowledge to take back home with him to the real world. What did Makoto do when he's kissed there, right on the soft skin behind his ear, on his neck? What would he say in the throes of passion as Haru took his cock into his mouth? What would it taste like?

Haru reached for the button of Makoto's jeans until Makoto broke the kiss with a gasp and pushed Haru away gently.

"Haru, no, I...what was that for...?" He wiped at his mouth with the back of his fist, panting, flushed.

"I just...wanted to kiss you. So I did," Haru said, face turned red as he looked to the side at the floor. Makoto wanted to see him happy.

"I did too," Makoto said as he smiled. Haru looked at Makoto, and his face shifted like rippling water. Haru tried to blink it away but there was a shift in his smile. "I've wanted to do that for years." His words were muffled as if Haru's ears were covered by a fast, bubbling stream of water.

"Makoto?"

"Meet me again here, tomorrow," Makoto said with a smile as he reached forward to grab Haru's hand and when Haru reached forward he blinked and suddenly he was awake with Rin's hand on his shoulder, shaking him.

"We're here," Rin said.

Haru just stared at him, his heart pounding from the surprise of being shifted awake. He blinked, looked out the window to see the asphalt of the airport outside. He then looked down at his hand that still clutched the Good Fortunes card and yawned.

"You make weird noises in your sleep," Rin said with a laugh as he stood up and stretched his arms high above his head. "I swear you even got a boner while you were sleeping."

Haru glared at him. "Yeah right," he said with a wave of his hand. He stood up and yawned, rubbing at his eyes.

"Dreaming about me?" Rin teased.

"No. I don't remember having any dreams. I don't think I slept long enough," he said as he scooted out of the aisle and helped Rin gather their carry-ons out of the compartment above them as people scooted behind them.

"Home sweet home, huh? It's been a while," Rin said as he stepped out of the airplane with a smile.

Haru followed him and looked down at the Good Fortunes card still in his hand. He put it in his pocket. "It's not the same though," he said with a frown. Without Makoto, it wouldn't ever be.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Happy New Year. Thanks for the follows and reviews. They mean the absolute world to me. One more chapter after this. Hope you all enjoy this chapter as well!

The Loneliness of Good Fortunes  
Chapter Four

* * *

Haru looked up as one of the trains coming southbound pulled into the station. It had probably came from Tokyo, probably pulled to one of the stops just hours ago. Haru took in a deep breath and felt a certain tightness in his throat. A claustrophobic feeling. He hadn't visited Tokyo before, but he could imagine just how busy it was there.

He checked the clock. Only a few more minutes until his train should be puling up. The one heading _towards _Tokyo.

Idly, he scanned the rushing crowd, but his eyes stopped when he saw a familiar, taller figure. His body stopped, and felt his stomach fall when Sousuke's line of sight landed on him. Haru looked away, but he already knew Sousuke was heading towards him. Staring at the ground, he could see Sousuke's nearing steps until his sneakers were only inches from his own.

Haru looked up to see Sousuke's hardened stare.

"You two are back from Australia already? Damn. I was hoping to meet Rin at the house before," Sousuke said.

Haru nodded.

"Is Rin back at the house?" He asked with a tilt of his head.

Haru nodded.

Sousuke laughed and shook his head. "I can see why Rin was so excited to bunk with you," he said dryly, and Haru furrowed his brows. What Haru didn't understand was why he had been the one to bunk with Rin? Sure, he had wished to go to the same school as Rin—Haru figured it'd be nice to have a familiar face—but he'd expected Sousuke to be there too.

"Anyways, see you later," Sousuke said as he turned to walk away.

"Why aren't you in Australia with Rin? Didn't you get a scholarship?"

Sousuke stopped, looked to the side over his shoulder with a stare that wasn't his normal, casual glare. No, it was clear Haru had hit a nerve. He shifted a bit in his seat, and looked at Sousuke with furrowed brows.

"Either Rin didn't tell you, or you're just trying to piss me off. Seeing as I'm sure Rin's told you by now, then you're just trying to piss me off."

"What?" Haru shook his head and looked over his shoulder at the clock over on the central pillar. The train should be there any second. "I wasn't trying to-"

"The physical therapy is going well, but I don't think I'll be in Australia anytime soon," Sousuke said with a laugh, but Haru could tell there was no humor behind it.

"What are you talking about?"

Sousuke glared at him. "My shoulder? Rin had to have told you..." He clenched his hands into fists. "Guess he doesn't bring me up to you. Why would he?"

Haru blinked. His shoulder? Physical therapy? When had this happened? Haru would have to ask Rin about that later. He glanced back behind Sousuke's shoulder to see the train taking off that Sousuke had just got off of.

"Why were you in Tokyo?" He asked. Again, it was hard to keep the blunt questions to himself.

"I was with Makoto and Kisumi."

"Why?"

Sousuke frowned. "They're close by. We've been hanging out." Sousuke smirked. "Why do you look so upset? You've moved on. Why can't Makoto do the same?"

"I didn't move on," Haru said, glaring. He didn't like Sousuke talking about Makoto like he knew him. They'd been friends for however long had passed since high school in this strange, future. For Haru, that meant all of a three days. How could Sousuke have possibly known anything about Makoto in the span of three days?

Another train entered the station, coming to a steady roll along the tracks. It was his train. Haru stood up, still looking up at Sousuke with a heated glare.

Sousuke laughed. "You're going to Tokyo?" He shook his head. "You think you can have it all don't you, Nanase? A future with Rin following your dreams, and Makoto, too? Some of us don't even get a future, you know." Sousuke rolled his shoulder.

"Swimming with Rin isn't my dream," Haru said as he turned to walk away. Until he felt the rough squeeze on his shoulders from Sousuke's large hands and suddenly he was facing Sousuke again, the back of his knees bumping into the chairs behind him. Haru could practically see the intricacy of veins on Sousuke's broad forehead.

"Then why did you go to Australia? It's a waste of time if it isn't your dream."

Haru shook his head and grabbed Sousuke's wrist, pushing his hand off his shoulder as he took a step away. "I need to go."

"All that talent you're wasting." Sousuke let him go, his lip pulled back into a snarl. "Makoto's happy with Kisumi. You've gotten in the middle of enough relationships, don't you think?"

Haru stopped, stared at the ground as he listened to Sousuke's trailing footsteps. He opened his mouth to retort, to say anything, but Sousuke was already long gone. He scowled and ran his fingers through his hair.

He looked at the train to Tokyo, but just the idea of seeing Makoto and Kisumi together made Haru's stomach flip. He couldn't get on. So instead he ran back to a comforting, familiar place where he could just think.

–

Even the bath couldn't bring Haru comfort. His own bath that he used to soak in for hours whenever he had a problem. Thinking on it while his hands and toes pruned was the simple solution. It was a way for Haru to think on his own feelings; to sort them safely in his head.

But there was no solution for this. And Haru wasn't trying to sort his feelings, no, he wanted to drown them out completely. Makoto and Kisumi...

Haru sank lower into the tub and closed his head. His head ached. Lower and lower he sank until he was under the surface, staring up at the quivering ceiling above him.

Makoto and Kisumi...as if Haru had any reason to be surprised. It had been that way in middle school. Kisumi fought over Makoto's affection and baited Haru as well. Kisumi was good at getting under Haru's skin.

Haru sighed and the stream of bubbles rose to the surface. He sat up, his head down, water droplets falling from his nose to fall back into the water.

Haru couldn't help but wonder—as he lay there, dozing off into a sleep that he hoped would save him from an hour or two of this sick, sick feeling—if Kisumi was the reason Makoto wanted to move on so badly.

Haru figured as much, up until the moment he fell asleep.

And sitting neatly on the very corner of the sink beside him was the Good Fortunes card.

–

Makoto stuffed his Good Fortunes card into his pocket and walked forward, over thick roots and the brush that covered the dirt path that lined the languid stream. Or at least, Makoto noticed as he bent to his knees and stared at the water, it used to be languid. Now it was rushing, frothing.

Makoto stood up and dusted off his knees. Everything was calm, but he knew what the red thread was leading him too. He had had this dream too many times in the past. A nearby memory that could never quite leave Makoto be. Not in wake, nor sleep.

He shook his head. No, maybe this time was different. He couldn't hear the splashing. His own cries, the panic taut in his voice.

Makoto swallowed and walked faster, his eyes trained on the red thread that mingled with the twigs and leaves covering the ground. He pushed past the steadily growing branches that moved to block his view. A cut along his cheek from a stubborn, sharp branch that grazed against his face. He winced, ran a shaking hand through his hair as the water picked up like a steady stream between his ears. Echoing. Loud. This was just a dream.

And like last time...Haru would be at the end of this thread. Makoto felt his heart quicken in anticipation of seeing him. If they couldn't see each other in reality, then did that mean this was the demon's plan? To allow them to see each other in dreams like this? As long as they followed the red thread. Makoto liked to think as much.

Makoto tripped and stumbled. Could the demon have been the one trying to keep them apart? But Makoto pushed past the heavy shrubbery of a branch and stopped when he saw Haru there in the middle of the river.

"Haru!" He cried out, but there Haru stood, not as a boy like in every other dream, but as he was now. As he had been the other night they'd seen each other. He stood tall, the water reaching just past his knees. He remembered the way the water reached to Haru's jaw, splashed, covered his open mouth. Soon his head would bob underneath the water and wouldn't reappear. At least, that was how this dream usually went.

Haru looked at him with a look of shock that passed over his face briefly. He looked away. "Dreaming too? Did you...mean to come find me?"

Makoto nodded, looking at the red thread that trailed into the stream. He wanted to follow it. He moved forward but as soon as his shoes stepped into the water he stopped, lost his breath. He looked up with raised brows, mouth open.

"What are you doing there?"

Haru swallowed. "I was coming to see you...in Tokyo..." He didn't look at Makoto, looked to the side at the water that pushed his legs.

Makoto pulled at the collar of his shirt. Watching Haru, he grew steadily more nervous as the water grew angrier with every few moments that passed. "Now? But you're-"

"In the real world. When we're awake."

Makoto rubbed the back of his neck and shook his head. "Okay..." he said, trying to follow Haru's trail of thought. "Sousuke said you were in Iwtaobi, didn't he? You were coming to visit me?"

Haru narrowed his eyes. "You're with Kisumi." He didn't ask, he accused, and Makoto's cheeks grew hot. Embarrassed, shameful of this past, no this future, he had created for himself. He hadn't even known.

"I didn't chose to..."

Haru's brows quirked as if to say "Don't lie to me," and Makoto should have known better. When had he started lying to his best friend?

"Haru...please come out of there. We'll talk."

The water kicked up, frothy, white and splashing at Haru's knees that moved. He stumbled forward and Makoto reached his arms out but couldn't make his feet move. They felt buried. Stuck. This wasn't how he was supposed to feel with this new future he had wished for. He was supposed to feel as Haru put it: free.

Haru steadied himself. "You've always liked Kisumi? Is that the reason you wanted to go to Tokyo? Away from me, so you could be with him."

"No, that's not true at all." Makoto's heart quickened. He swallowed and looked at the water. It was loud. Too loud. "Haru...you know as well as I do that we just...landed in our futures. I didn't chose to..."

"The demon said we were going to get the futures we wished for the most."

"Well, are you happy?" Makoto asked and watched as Haru stumbled forward again, and suddenly clutched his head, teeth grit as he squeezed his eyes shut. "Haru?"

"I'm not happy," Haru said, his voice weak as he looked at Makoto with tired eyes. And suddenly his eyes rolled back into his head and he was falling towards the rushing water.

"Haru!" Makoto reached forward, feet ripping free from the muddy earth, but it was a second too late. And as soon as his body hit the water he blinked and suddenly he opened his eyes somewhere else.

Everything suddenly was quiet and he felt the warm presence of a body on top of him, the softness of something beneath him. He opened his eyes, moaned out of instinct when he felt a spike of pleasure that spiraled straight through his stomach. Heat and pressure in his cock, heavy breathing against his ear.

He still felt the cold flush of panic along his face but he looked through the corner of his eyes and expected to see that pink-tinted hair. Kisumi. Maybe he really had waken up.

"Ki—" he began, ready to push him off. He just wasn't in the mood—dream or not—when it wasn't Kisumi's face anymore, but Haru's. Haru turned to him with a flushed face and heavy-lidded blue eyes.

Makoto swallowed hard, opened his mouth to say something, but Haru stopped him with a rough kiss. His lips took Makoto's bottom lip between them, sucking before he parted Makoto's lips with a firm flick of his tongue. Makoto couldn't help but sigh against his mouth as Haru pressed him firmly against the softness beneath him—a bed?- and kissed him hard. Makoto kissed back. Something they hadn't yet managed to do in reality. This was only a dream kiss, a dream Haru...how much of this was really Haru? How much of this was reality? How much of this would be remembered...if any...

"Haru..." Makoto said in between kisses. He pushed Haru away and saw the irritated furrow of his brows, the glare Haru gave him. "You were just...are you okay? The stream..." he pressed his hand to Haru's forehead, ran his fingers through his hair. Dry.

Haru pushed away and sat on his knees. Makoto sat up on his elbows and looked around. It was Haru's bedroom back in Iwatobi. Down to the last detail. He swallowed and his head fell back. He breathed, relaxed. He felt a soft wetness against his throat. Haru's soft mouth. He shuddered, feeling a warmness spread to his fingertips.

"We were in your dream," Haru whispered into his ear, his mouth catching the lobe. "Now we're in mine."

"My dream...more like a nightmare. That dream was one of my fears." Haru stopped kissing him, his entire body seemed to stiffen. Makoto looked over and noticed the way Haru looked away, a flush on his cheeks.

"This is one of my mine," Haru said, biting his bottom lip as he looked up at Makoto with a soft flush on his cheeks. The same flush he wore the last moment they'd been together in Iwatobi. Makoto could read Haru like script and it seemed Haru's eyes gave off more than just a shyness. It was shame.

Makoto swallowed, felt the rush of blood high on his cheeks. He allowed Haru to push him back against the bed, straddle him. His fingers trembled as they played with the collar of his shirt.

"You don't have to if your afraid," Makoto said as he placed his hand over Haru's. He smiled, and Haru blushed again, turning away.

"Do you and Kisumi...do this?" He asked and Makoto frowned, squeezing onto Haru's still hand.

"Haru..." He frowned and ran his hand through Haru's hair. He didn't lean into his touch. "I don't want to be with Kisumi. I'm going to end it...whatever it is." He shook his head. Months of memories that Makoto couldn't even remember...months that Kisumi held close. Makoto wondered what had happened in those months that he hadn't really even been there.

Haru blinked, stopped, then leaned forward and pressed his face against Makoto's, nose brushing his cheek. He kissed the corner of his mouth, his breath coming out in hot puffs against his mouth. Makoto bit his bottom lip, his heart pounding as he looked into Haru's dark eyes.

"Really?" Haru asked, and Makoto nodded, not once taking his eyes off of Haru's. Makoto nodded, and Haru cupped his face with his palms and pressed his mouth to Makoto's in a charged kiss, soft lips trailing away from the plush of Makoto's lips to his sharp jaw line, his neck. Wet and warm.

Makoto breathed out, buried his fingers into Haru's hair.

"Come to Iwatobi," he heard Haru say, the voice distorted, farther away, but Makoto was distracted by the wet heat of Haru's lips sucking on the sensitive spot on his neck. "Tell me in person."

"Okay," Makoto said, eyes heavily lidded, lured into the daze of Haru's warm mouth. But the warmth was fading. Steadily streaming away. And the light pressure of Haru's fingertips disappeared from his heated skin.

"Do you think we can go back to the way things were?"

The last words Haru had asked. But when Makoto opened his eyes to answer Haru was gone and Makoto was awake in his bed. He blinked, rubbing at his eyes with his knuckle. His skin was hot, moist. And he looked up as he listened to the soft sounds of Kisumi snoring above him.

He sat up and yawned, getting up to walk to the mini fridge to get a bottle of water and the chill of the water as it his his mouth reminded him of the feeling of freezing, rushing river water. He shook his head, went back to bed with only the faintest remembrance of what it was he'd been dreaming about: Haru, in all the ways Makoto missed him.

–

Makoto wiped the sweat from his brow and watched as Kisumi dribbled the ball. The ball bounced uneasy, violently quick on the concrete below them, and Makoto swallowed the thickness in his throat. There was something on Kisumi's mind, that much he could tell just in the jerking, rough movements he made as they played.

Makoto winced as Kisumi moved to break past him and bumped into his shoulder roughly. Stumbling, he turned to see Kisumi jump and make the two-point shot, a determined grin that hung lopsided on his face. "Got to do better than that Tachibana. Haven't you learned anything?" He caught the ball and passed it to Makoto.

"It's hard to play when something's on your mind. You know that," Makoto said as he dribbled, but didn't make an attempt to start. "We can talk if you want."

"Put it into play," Kisumi said as he wiped at his forehead with his sweatband on his wrist. "Come on. We only have a little bit of time until you leave for Iwatobi."

Makoto blinked and Kisumi took the chance to rush forward, stealing the ball from Makoto in a heartbeat and running towards his hoop. Makoto followed, weakly attempting to block as he asked, "You know? But I haven't told you yet that I-"

Kisumi threw the ball. Another two-pointer for him. He turned to Makoto with a strange look on his face that Makoto wasn't used to seeing. Not when Kisumi was one who was always blushing with a fondness. He was as happy to see and be and breathe in this world as Haru was in water.

"I saw your face light up when Sousuke mentioned Haru was there. I thought maybe you could move on-" he shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I know you miss your friend." Kisumi turned and grabbed the ball, dribbling it then turning to the nearest hoop and shooting.

"We're not done with the game..." Makoto said with a frown, as he watched Kisumi shoot hoops on his own.

"I am," Kisumi said, dribbling the ball for minutes. He seemed to be pensive, mulling something over. But then, so was Makoto.

It was as if the Good Fortunes card in his pocket had a weight, a presence. He could feel it. He swallowed hard, the demon's voice a far away echo in his mind. His words...

"There's only one rule, Makoto Tachibana. And that is that you two stay away from each other. Now now, don't look so sad. If you two were going to be together in the future, why not wish it, eh? So no phone calls, no letters, no seeing each other."

Makoto blinked, the words, the image of the demon dissolving in his memory as he looked at Kisumi standing an arms-length away. Makoto frowned. To have his own future away from Haru. Independence. Had that been what they had needed to breathe life into the claustrophobic tunnel of their friendship? Or was it just for Makoto to chip away at the wall of his own heart: to tell and explain and give Haru everything he really wanted to say.

"I'm sorry, Kisumi," Makoto said as he reached forward and grabbed Kisumi's wrist to make him look at him. Kisumi looked back, surprised, dropping the ball. "I think I made a mistake when we..." he looked away. He hated hurting anyone's feelings. Makoto, for his entire life, had done what he could to avoid it. Those words left unsaid. Maybe Makoto had worried too much about avoiding conflict.

Kisumi shook his head. "I know. I mean, I've known you felt that way."

Makoto scratched the back of his neck. For once, he didn't have the right words.

"Go to Iwatobi. It's been long enough of you and Haru not talking." Kisumi said. He smiled, pulled his wrist out of Makoto's weak grasp and turned away. "Just make sure before you come back that he knows everything. I mean it, Makoto," Kisumi said as he looked at Makoto over his shoulder. "Tell him everything—in words—that I was able to pick up on when you were quiet."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Last chapter :)

* * *

The Loneliness of Good Fortunes  
Chapter Five

* * *

Haru woke up to a pounding on the bathroom door that felt like it reached all the way to his temples. He looked down, mind still fuzzy. The water was so cold and unwelcoming goose bumps covered his arms. How long had he been asleep? He stood up, drying off with the towel he set on the counter.

Still in his jammers, Haru opened the bathroom door to see Rin, his fist still held up in mid-knock.

"You're alive. Thank God," Rin ran his hand over his face and his eyes followed the trail of water droplets that fell down Haru's stomach. "You were in the bath in your jammers?"

"What do you want?" Haru asked as he ran his towel over his damp hair and stepped past Rin.

"Everyone noticed you've been in there for a while. We were all getting worried," Rin said as he followed Haru into the guest bedroom where he was staying.

"Sorry. I guess I fell asleep," He said as he reached into his suitcase and pulled out a dry pair of jammers and some clothes to put on over. And what a sleep it had been. He felt exhausted, even after such a deep sleep. He didn't even know how long he'd been out for. He gave Rin a look and he got the hint, turning around to give Haru some privacy.

"Whatever. Anyways, Sousuke said he told you about Makoto and Kisumi," Rin began as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Thought you might have been trying to drown yourself in there." He laughed lightly and Haru paused half way in between pulling his pants up.

Now he remembered why he had fallen asleep. He looked out the window at the sky. The sun was setting. He must have fallen asleep for hours. He sighed and pulled his pants over his hips, buttoning them. "You can turn around," he muttered.

Rin did. "So are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Haru asked, narrowing his eyes.

Rin quirked a brow. "I guess because he was your best friend. And you just haven't seemed like yourself the past few days. Hell, the past few years. He moved on...maybe you're still stuck." He stepped towards Haru with a warm smile and Haru's eyes softened.

He shook his head. "I'm fine." If Makoto wanted to date Kisumi then what was it to him anyway? They had never been more than friends anyway. "I just hate this future."

"What?"

"I don't want to swim professionally," Haru said quietly, words muffled by the shirt he was in the middle of putting on.

"Come again?" Rin asked and Haru felt safe in those few moments he his head covered by the thin material of his shirt. He wished he could hide away from Rin's pushy questions, Sousuke's taunts, Makoto's new life without him. But he knew he couldn't and he pushed the shirt past his head and looked at Rin straight in his eyes.

"I don't want to swim professionally. I don't want to be with you in Australia." At that, Haru noticed the way flinched. "I want everything to go back to the way it was. Why is that such a bad thing?"

Rin narrowed his eyes. "Because, it's a little late for that? Don't you think? It's been years since you made that decision. Didn't you know back then?"

Haru looked away, cheeks flushed. "Yes."

"Then why did you come to Australia? Why are you wasting people's time? Your own time?"

Haru didn't want to look over at Rin and see that intensity that rushed in his eyes. Sometimes, Haru didn't know how to deal with that particular fire in him. Haru was much more content with the quiet darkness in his own head, the steady brightness of Makoto's smile.

Silence was easier. Running was easier. "I don't want to talk about it," he said as he made his way to move past Rin. He stopped, turned back to look at Rin when the other grabbed his wrist and looked at him with raised brows and a worried look in his eyes.

"You can't just stop talking about it. Not talking, not saying anything has kept you hating your life all these years" Rin's hands loosened and fell after a moment. "It's not healthy. I actually think it's pretty stupid. I don't understand it."

"I don't care if you don't understand," Haru said and the straight line of his face lifted just at the corners. Lifted until Haru was smiling and he ran a hand through his damp hair and looked away from Rin's accusatory glare. He didn't care. Not in the least. He didn't care what Rin thought about his decision and he didn't care about what a million random people in the stands thought about his swimming. He would have traded it all for having just that one person there at the end of the line to hold his hand out, lift him out from the water.

–

Day s later, Haru planned to head towards the train station, but as he stood at the top of the stairs he felt a pull that came from the shrine. With his Good Fortunes in his pocket, he decided to follow the lure of the pull. Maybe there was a meaning behind it, a reason that urged his footsteps.

Arriving was no different than any other time he'd visited. The trees still shook cherry blossoms free from their arms in the soft breeze, but a graveyard felt more alive than here.

He looked around with his clammy hands buried in his pockets. Haru figured there was nothing here. No one here. But it had been years since the last time he'd visited the shrine. Even though it only felt like days. The last time he was here he remembered facing Makoto and the demon who'd changed everything in a moment that Haru wished he could come back to.

Haru looked at the shrine. He supposed it couldn't hurt, and besides, there was no one around. He walked over to the shrine and pressed his hands together and closed his eyes. Took in a deep, cold breath. And tried to wish and pray.

Haru didn't notice that he had been focused for so long until he felt the ache in the bottoms of his feet and the drop in temperature. He zipped his sweater up to his collar and grabbed the pen he had pocketed earlier and scrawled a message on the Good Fortune's card. He stuck it in the shrine in a certain place that was mostly hidden. The one spot Makoto and Haru would always reach for when it came to choosing their fortunes. He wouldn't have been surprised if someone picked it up but it did have a name, so maybe they'd put it back.

He glanced at it. He'd hidden it well. And he sighed.

What was he thinking?

But he didn't take the message back. Instead he turned away and headed for the stairs, hands in his pockets, head down as he focused the floor.

"Haru?"

The voice made him stop, made his head snap up, and Haru almost couldn't believe it when he saw Makoto standing there in front of him. The familiarity of the voice didn't mean much, not when he heard that voice so many times in his dreams, echoed in his mind.

"Makoto..." He paused and his open mouth could not produce the right words. So instead he didn't speak, just watched with shaking, wavering eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"Visiting," he said and scratched his cheek as he looked away with a shy smile. "Sousuke had mentioned you were down here."

"Where's Kisumi?" Haru asked with a rushed tone to it. He wanted to get this over with. No beating around the bush. If Sousuke was right and they were really together then Haru wanted to know where he was. Otherwise this moment might have brought more awkwardness than it needed.

"He's in Tokyo." Makoto's brows raised. "Why?"

Haru turned his head away. "Why isn't he with you? Wouldn't he be if you two are together?"

Makoto frowned. "They told you? Listen," Makoto said as he stepped forward and gestured for Haru to follow him. "Let's go somewhere quiet to talk."

No, Haru wanted to say, but in all honestly, seeing Makoto there, it almost seemed like maybe his wish had been granted. He took a deep breath and followed him into the small shrine house. Empty, Haru noted as he looked around the dark room with only the fragments of smoke from the incense put out hours ago. The statues made long strips of shadow on the floor.

Makoto pulled at his collar and looked around with a visible shake. "I-It sure is dark," he noted, standing even closer to Haru, his hands gripping at the sleeve of his jacket.

Haru, as angry and confused and stressed out as he was, didn't push him away. His cheeks flushed, in fact, as he looked up at Makoto for the first time with a softness in his eyes.

"Makoto?" Haru was angry, but it didn't keep the comforting tone from his voice. It didn't keep the blush the crept to his cheek. He looked at Makoto, really looked at him, and noticed the way Makoto's eye brows raised and his eyes closed in a moment of relief. For being here with Haru? Was that why? Haru wasn't sure, but he liked to think, to hope.

"Sorry," he said as he rubbed the back of his neck. He sighed and his shoulders fell. "I don't know why Kisumi and I..." He trailed off and looked away. "I ended it…whatever it was."

Haru felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. "Really?" He asked.

"I wanted to come to Iwatobi…to tell you in person." Makoto smiled and Haru blinked, looked away at the empty space around them. The shrine may not have felt familiar, but this moment sure did. Déjà vu. He was getting this strange sense that this wasn't the first time Makoto had said those exact words.

He felt compelled to say what was next. "Do you think we can go back to the way things were?" He'd wanted to ask for so long now, but fear of Makoto admitting he liked this new future scared Haru. But for some reason, he felt a calm as he asked.

"I hope so," Makoto said. Maybe Haru had already known the answer.

Haru smiled. Maybe Haru knew this moment because it had happened before.

He grabbed at the collar of Makoto's shirt and pulled him down, but before Haru could press his mouth to Makoto's, Makoto was already there, his lips a soft, wet pressure. Lips taking Haru's bottom one, sucking. Haru sighed as his eyes came to a close, fingers curling into the red plaid of Makoto's cotton shirt.

Suddenly, almost violently, everything came to. Haru remembered. He remembered everything. The dreams. Makoto underneath him against his bed, Makoto reaching for him as he stood knee-deep in the stream. Every word, every confession, every lost, trailing thought they had kept hidden for the many years of their friendship.

Haru pulled away with eyes wide, hands still clutching his collar. Makoto looked just as stunned with realization.

Any word were caught by the sudden lighting of candles around them. A fire that spread from the incense that balanced on dishes that hung from the ceiling to the candle sticks that edged out the shrine.

Makoto gripped Haru's sleeve, standing behind him. For the first time, Haru was scared too.

Someone was clapping, giggling. A bright, round face came from the shadows as candle fire danced across its face. The demon.

"Makoto, I never took you as someone who wouldn't follow the rules." He clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and wagged his finger.

Makoto cleared his throat, rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes cast down. Haru raised a brow and squirmed. He had never felt too comfortable in the presence of the demon.

"You tricked us," Haru said, his hand grasping for Makoto's beside him. The action itself may have been small, but Makoto looked over at Haru with his mouth skewed, face turning red.

Haru squeezed Makoto's clammy palm as the demon spoke.

"Tricked? I gave you exactly what you wanted."

Haru's brows lowered and his hand loosened. Makoto grabbed his hand tighter and spoke up.

I may

"I'm sorry, but that's not true. There are some things I never wanted."

"Well, true," the demon said, scratching at his head. "But we all didn't get what we wanted now did we?" His strange eyes turned to look at Haru. They reminded him of the shadowed creatures he saw underneath the water's surface, when he was alone, being dragged under. "I may have taken my own liberties," he rubbed his chin. "You two don't seem to be very happy."

"I'm not," Haru stepped forward, his hand letting go. "I want everything to go back to the way it was."

"And you?" The demon turned towards Makoto and smiled.

"Yes."

The cat stroked his chin, ears wobbling side to side for a moment as he seemed to think. His whiskers curled, mouth opening briefly until he shook his head wildly. The bell on his collar rang as he shook side to side.

"I suppose. If Makoto is willing to break the one condition I gave him—not to visit you—then he must really care, after all."

Haru frowned. "Why would you tell him that?"

"Well, what was the point of wishing for a future without each other if you two were going to be together? It makes no sense."

"I'm sorry," Makoto said as he scratched his cheek. Haru glanced over at him and smiled. Had Makoto really broken that condition because he had wanted to see him so badly? "But I realized my mistake. I thought I wanted a future by myself. To prove I wasn't co-dependent…but I realized it's not that I can't be apart from you, it's just that I don't want to."

Haru swallowed, the red blush creeping back onto his cheeks. "Me too." He let out a deep breath. "Maybe we can,"

"I'm afraid it's not so easy."

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked as he glanced at Haru, who was already looking at him too. For some reason, he didn't look surprised.

"You broke the condition, Makoto. Magic can't be without its consequences."

Haru's head fell. His eyes became shadowed by the long hair that fell down his forehead. "Name them…"

The cat paused.

Haru stared at the floor for what felt like eternity. He could feel the heat and presence of Makoto standing beside him. He was still stunned that Makoto was here. It had only been weeks, but it really did feel like there had been years that passed between them. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as the brush crept there. They hadn't been too far apart anyways. They had kissed, touched after all. He moved to glance up at Makoto but stopped when he saw the serious expression he had on when the cat finally made a noise of affirmation.

"You two can return to the past. Right before graduation, the time before this all started."

Haru looked up, the corner of his mouth being pulled back into a smile. He couldn't help it. It was all he wanted.

"But…"

And of course, there had to be one.

"You two won't remember any of this."

Haru shook his head. "But what if we just make the same mistake again?"

Makoto shook his head. "We won't, we can't. I feel differently now. That has to translate somehow."

Haru wasn't so sure. "Can we be alone for a minute…while we think?"

The cat pondered it but nodded. "Alright. Just a few minutes. Meet me outside when you've decided." He smiled and headed outside of the shrine house, leaving Haru and Makoto standing alone in the dark room in the middle of brightly lit candles.

"What now?"

"Is this what you want?" Makoto asked, as he reached over and grabbed Haru's wrist, his thumb circled over the paper thin skin; the pad of his finger ghosted over the blue stream of veins.

Makoto watched as Haru looked at him with that electric spark in his eyes that Makoto had managed to learn how to read in all the years they had known each other. Makoto could deal with Haru's quiet nature. He could deal with Haru's way of saying one or two words and having it be enough, but that was only because Makoto could figure out everything that went unsaid in just a look, a glance.

"Yes," Haru said. Makoto already knew. "I just want to go back to the way things were before."

A memory wiped clean of the past few days. No Tokyo, no Kisumi, and no way of ever knowing that Haru and he had ever kissed, ever confessed. It would be the same as before: Makoto refusing to acknowledge Haru's unsaid words as he read Haru's silence, Haru giving him nothing but.

Makoto took in a deep breath. The way things were before. Would they ever be in this type of mindset again? Would they ever look at each other again and know it was okay to tell the other how much they really meant to them? Or would they continue to swim in their comfortable silence?

Either way, Makoto took Haru's warm palm in his and led him outside where the demon pawed at butterflies that flew in the air until he caught their eye.

"So, your decision then?" The demon asked as he looked over with a smile.

"We agree to your conditions." Makoto said, squeezing Haru's hand.

"Alright," he said. "I just hope this time, there are no regrets."

The cat-demon spoke, maybe some sort of enchantment that would take them back in time, but the words were muffled as if Makoto and Haru had their own world underneath the water's surface. They looked at each other, arms out in front of them as they clasped hands and the earth violently shook the same way it did the first time. The world began to melt away as they fell into the sun that heated up the blood of their bodies and replaced their eyes with sunspots.

And the days formed again under the heat of a bright, full sun that gave them back their youth, their days, but melted away the warm parts of their souls, their minds, that would give them the sense to look each other and know a love had been there once.

–

It was bright and Makoto held his arm up to shield his eyes. Summer was nearing. School was coming to an end. The sakura trees were in full blossom and Rin was going to be leaving to Australia soon on a scholarship. Sousuke, apparently, would not be joining him. And of futures, that was all Makoto Tachibana really knew.

He listened to the familiar sounds of water splashing and laughter. He looked over to see the familiar sight of Haru swimming his freestyle stroke, quiet, as usual. But there was a stiffness in the way he swam. It had been there for months. Something always urged him to look away, to focus on something else.

When Makoto and Haru walked up the familiar steps that led to each of their houses and the shrine, respectively, there was always something that urged Makoto to keep away from those few extra stairs that led past Haru's house to the shrine. He never knew what it was, but on the morning that Nagisa and Rei asked Haru and Makoto to join them, both boys seemed to come up, quickly, with a poor excuse as to why they couldn't.

Still, Makoto and Haru never discussed why. Just as they didn't discuss the crucial, important moments in their life like graduation and the way they felt that electricity spark between their fingertips as they rest on the floor, facing each other. Haru hugged a pillow to his chest because, Makoto figured, it was easier for Haru to keep enclosed on himself. A safety net he could fall into rather than take the jump off the deep end. That was why Makoto didn't kiss Haru that day, even when Haru's eyes were quietly wondering why Makoto wouldn't. And again, a million words were left unsaid, words that Makoto could read by Haru's eyes, but couldn't bring himself to make certain, make sure, that he read Haru the way he always figured he could.

–

Makoto curled his hand around the railing and Haru pulled his hand away. He flushed, looked away, and didn't miss the sideways glance that Makoto gave him. Had he seen, Haru wondered as he let his hands fall down to his sides.

They still hadn't talked. Makoto still hadn't asked. What are you planning to do after graduation?

And all Haru knew, and he wasn't sure how exactly he knew with such a certainty, that all he wanted out of his future was to be with Makoto. A future without him was not one he ever wanted the displeasure of experiencing. He wanted everything to stay the same. Change was terrifying. It was the only thing that could make him feel like he was drowning.

"The fireworks are going to start soon," Makoto said as he leaned his elbows against the top rail and looked up at the sky.

He wasn't smiling and it made Haru feel a sickness in his stomach that made him turn towards his friend. And then turn back, a flush on his cheeks as the cold wind bit at the back of his neck, made goose bumps appear along his smooth arms. "Haru..." Makoto began, pressed his lips together, hesitating. "You look cold." He shrugged off his coat and tried to hand it to Haru.

"I'm fine," he said, rubbing underneath his wet nose with the back of his hand as he sniffed. Besides, that coat looked better draped over the expanse of Makoto's strong shoulders. Haru looked at Makoto, and as if Makoto could read his thoughts, he shrugged the coat back on and turned back towards the sky paralleled to the ocean, met at the world-shattering horizon.

The light lit up as fireworks danced across the sky. Haru watched and tried to ignore the message the light wrote to him in the sky: Touch Makoto's hand and feel the familiar feeling of his fate lines in his palms as they fit into yours. Press your mouth to his because it's not the first time—but they hadn't ever, Haru thought—as his entire body felt the strengthened urge to make Makoto his before it was too late.

The fireworks were over as fast as they began and Haru looked down as the last of their glittering red fire dissolved into the ocean water. Haru let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and turned to Makoto, his hands gripping the cold railing so hard his knuckles were white.

"That was beautiful, wasn't it?" Makoto said. That smile he wore looked forced. Haru could tell as much. He waited for Makoto to do anything, say anything. Any sort of sign. But Makoto stepped away from the railing and smiled. "Shall we?"

And Haru's freezing hands let go of the railing and he stepped away, facing Makoto, looking up at him with a look that he hoped could plead with Makoto to make a move. It was okay to talk, he wanted to say. Something told him it would be okay. Something told him that it was okay to talk about futures because the worst they feared had already happened. Something told him it was okay to steal each other's breath with a kiss.

But what that voice didn't help with was the hardest part of it all. How? How do they make that first move? Haru didn't know. Haru stepped away from Makoto and turned away to walk down the steps, across the beach, back to their homes where they'd part ways with a look in their eyes that said so much more than they could ever, ever say.

"Goodnight," Makoto said as he walked Haru to his door.

"Night," Haru said, choked, wanting so badly to say something else entirely. Tell him, it said. There was no reason to be afraid.

Haru watched as Makoto walked down the trail of steps slowly, his hand clutching onto the strap of his school bag. Before he could turn the spiraling pathway that led to his own house Haru called out to him. Makoto stopped all too suddenly, as if he had been waiting, and Haru let out a breath of relief with the way Makoto looked at him, smiled.

"I found something at the shrine the other day," Haru said as he pulled out a card from his sweater pocket. He had carried it on him ever since he had found it. He wanted to know that it was real. A lot of moments lately hadn't felt real. He'd been having some strange, vivid dreams for the past few weeks. He hadn't brought them up to Makoto, even if every single dream involved him, felt so tangible and real that Haru wasn't sure whether or not he was waking up with a tinge in his lips and a fire trailing over him for something that had only happened in a dream.

Makoto turned fully towards him and walked up the stairs with an urgency in his steps as he took two at a time. "The fortune?" He asked as he took his backpack off his shoulder and dug through it.

Haru's eyes widened when Makoto pulled out a card as well, a wavering in his eyes as he showed it to him. The recognizable symbols that laid out the fortune could be seen on one side, but Makoto flipped it around, and there written in Makoto's own scrawl was a message. The very same one that was written on Haru's in his own handwriting.

"Do you know what it means?"

"Not exactly, but it has to mean something. The same message. I've been having these dreams lately too."

"I…so have I," Haru said, blushing. The same dream. The same memories and wants. Could it really be so?

Makoto dropped the fortune to the floor and leaned forward, arms wrapping around Haru's shoulders as he leaned down. Haru closed his eyes and his heart began to stutter as Makoto's warm mouth found its way to his. He tasted unfamiliar, and yet his mouth felt recognizable all the same. How many times had they done this? How many first kisses had they actually had?

He wrapped his arms around Makoto's waist and kissed back with a desperation he wasn't sure was entirely appreciated. But the way Makoto's arms brought him closer, the way his mouth heated against his, tongue and teeth and wanting, it was more than Haru could have ever dreamed. Definitely better than he had ever dreamed before.

Haru pulled away, nose brushing against Makoto's and quietly he said, "Can we…go somewhere together after high school is over? Maybe a school in Tokyo? As long as we both go…together." He looked away, embarrassed, but felt Makoto's rough palm touch his cheek and turned his head to look into his eyes.

"I think that's all I ever wanted."

Haru smiled. The fortune didn't matter. Whatever had happened didn't matter.

For Haru, there were only two things that mattered. Two aspects of his life that held equal importance that he hoped he could meld together. That would make him happy, after all. A memory that could never be torn in two: Swimming alongside Makoto. Makoto at the end of his lane pulling him back up.

When Makoto smiled down at him and kissed him again, hands cupping his, he knew Makoto did feel the same.

Somewhere, years far and away, the cat demon watches, purrs, and smiles. True discovered happiness is hard to find. Makoto had given that to him when he was just a kitten, begging for food on the streets. And he's just happy to have given it back.


End file.
